# How to Use a Dildo: A Complete Beginner's Guide to Getting It Right

**By realcocktoys** · 2025-10-01

Using a dildo well is not complicated but there are specific things that make the difference between an experience that works and one that does not. Most guides skip these details. This one covers all of them: preparation, technique, positions, solo versus partnered use, and what to do afterward.

Whether this is your first time or you want to get more out of what you already have, the information here applies directly.

## Before You Start: Preparation

**1\. Clean the toy before first use** Even a brand-new toy needs to be washed before use. Rinse under warm water and wash with mild unscented soap. Rinse thoroughly and pat dry. This removes manufacturing residue and any contamination from packaging or shipping.

**2\. Gather what you need before starting** Having everything within reach before you begin prevents interruptions that break arousal. You need:

-   The toy
-   Water-based lubricant always use this with platinum silicone toys
-   A towel or sheet protector if preferred
-   Safe word agreed if partner is involved

**3\. Create the right environment** Comfort and privacy matter more than most people expect, particularly for a first session. Choose a time when you will not be interrupted. Temperature, lighting, and whether you feel rushed all affect how relaxed your body is which directly affects how comfortable the experience is.

**4\. Spend time on arousal before insertion** This is the most consistently underrated preparation step. The body changes significantly during arousal vaginal lubrication increases, the vaginal canal lengthens, and the pelvic floor relaxes. Attempting insertion without adequate arousal produces discomfort regardless of size or lubrication.

Spend meaningful time on external stimulation before any penetration. How long is enough? Until you feel genuinely ready and want penetration not until you think you have waited long enough.

## Lubricant: Non-Negotiable, Always

Lubricant is not optional for dildo use. Even when naturally aroused and producing natural lubrication, adding water-based lubricant significantly improves comfort, reduces friction that can cause irritation, and makes the experience more enjoyable.

**How much:** More than you think you need. First-time users almost universally underestimate how much lubricant helps. Apply generously to both the toy and yourself, and keep it within reach to reapply during the session.

**What type:** Water-based lubricant only with platinum silicone toys. Silicone-based lubricants chemically interact with silicone toy surfaces, degrading them over time. Oil-based lubricants are not recommended for vaginal use.

Browse [compatible water-based lubricants](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/lube) at RealCock Toys.

## Solo Use: Step by Step

### Step 1: Get comfortable

Lying on your back with knees bent is the easiest starting position for most people it gives you full control over angle and depth with easy arm access. Other options: on your side, sitting, or kneeling find what gives you the most comfortable access and control.

### Step 2: Apply lubricant

Apply water-based lubricant to the head and shaft of the dildo and to yourself. Do not be conservative with it.

### Step 3: Start with the tip only

Insert just the head of the dildo and pause. Do not try to insert the full length immediately. Let your body adjust to the presence of the toy before going deeper. This pause is where most of the adjustment happens rushing past it is the most common reason first uses are uncomfortable.

### Step 4: Breathe deliberately

Slow exhales relax the pelvic floor muscles that need to release for comfortable penetration. If you feel resistance or discomfort, stop and exhale slowly before trying again. Holding your breath or tensing increases resistance significantly.

### Step 5: Add depth gradually

Move the toy slowly inward, pausing whenever you feel resistance. You do not need to reach maximum depth the most sensitive areas are concentrated in the first few inches of the vaginal canal. Deeper is not automatically more pleasurable.

### Step 6: Find what feels good

Once the toy is comfortably inserted, experiment with:

-   **In-and-out motion** the classic thrusting motion. Speed, depth, and rhythm all affect sensation differently. Start slowly.
-   **Rocking motion** smaller movements that maintain depth while changing pressure and angle
-   **Holding still** simply being filled with gentle pressure, no movement. Effective for G-spot pressure.
-   **Circular motion** rotating the toy slightly to explore different areas of contact

There is no correct way. Pay attention to what your body responds to rather than following a script.

### Step 7: G-spot stimulation

The G-spot is located on the front wall of the vaginal canal the side facing your stomach approximately 2 to 3 inches in. It has a slightly different texture from the surrounding tissue: slightly ridged or spongy.

To stimulate it: angle the dildo toward the front wall and use a "come here" beckoning motion rather than in-and-out thrusting. A curved dildo reaches this angle naturally browse [realistic dildos](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/realcock-dildos) including curved options at RealCock Toys.

## Hands-Free Solo Use

One of the most significant upgrades in solo dildo use is removing the need to hold the toy manually freeing both hands for additional stimulation or simply allowing full physical relaxation.

**Suction cup base:** A dildo with a suction cup base adheres to smooth flat surfaces floor, wall, tile, furniture. Works for cowgirl-style solo use (you control all movement from above) or for positioning where you move toward the toy rather than moving the toy manually.

**Vac-U-Lock system:** A more secure mechanical connection than suction. The dildo attaches to a standardized plug via a socket in the base compatible with dedicated mounts and sex machines. More stable than suction, particularly for sustained or vigorous use.

**Sex machine:** Fully automated, consistent, hands-free penetration at adjustable speed and depth. Both hands entirely free throughout the session. Browse [sex machines](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/machines) at RealCock Toys.

## Positions for Solo Dildo Use

**On your back, knees bent** Most control, easiest access. Can hold the toy manually or use a floor-mounted suction cup position. Good starting position for beginners.

**Cowgirl (riding position)** Kneel or squat over a floor-mounted or furniture-mounted dildo. You control all depth and movement from above. Both hands free. Gravity assists with depth. Good for G-spot stimulation by leaning slightly forward.

**On all fours** Wall-mounted suction cup dildo at an appropriate height. Rear-entry angle. Different stimulation pattern from cowgirl some people find this angle produces stronger G-spot contact.

**On your side** Comfortable, low-effort position. Hold the toy manually or use a pillow to brace it. Good for longer sessions.

## Partnered Use: How to Use a Dildo Together

### The giving partner uses the dildo manually

The most straightforward approach. One partner holds and operates the dildo on the other. This gives the giving partner complete control over depth, angle, speed, and timing which maps naturally onto D/s dynamics if that is part of what you are exploring.

**Communication during this:** The giving partner cannot feel what the receiving partner feels. Specific real-time feedback "slightly different angle," "slower," "a little deeper" is the most useful thing the receiving partner can provide. "Is this okay?" produces "yes" and nothing more.

### During intercourse simultaneously

A slim dildo used alongside penetrative intercourse adds additional fullness or targeted G-spot pressure while both partners remain engaged with each other. Choose a diameter slim enough to not cause discomfort 1.1 to 1.3 inches is the usual range for simultaneous use. A suction cup base allows hands-free positioning.

### Strap-on / pegging

A dildo attached to a harness worn by one partner for penetration of the other. Vac-U-Lock compatible dildos with a [Vac-U-Lock harness](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/harnesses-and-straps) provide the most secure connection the dildo does not rotate or shift during active use.

See the full strap-on harness setup guide for step-by-step setup.

## Using a Dildo for Anal Play

The rules for anal dildo use differ from vaginal use in several important ways.

**Flared base non-negotiable:** Any toy used anally must have a secure flared base that prevents it from traveling internally. The anal canal does not retain objects the way the vaginal canal does. A realistic dildo with full testicles provides this base naturally. Never use a toy anally without confirming the base is wide enough to prevent over-insertion.

**More lubricant:** The anal canal does not self-lubricate. Use significantly more lubricant than for vaginal use apply inside and outside and reapply frequently throughout the session.

**Start smaller:** The anal canal has less natural stretch than the vaginal canal and is more sensitive to size. Start at a slimmer diameter than you would for vaginal use and build up gradually over multiple sessions.

**Relax first:** The same breathing technique applies slow exhales relax the anal sphincter muscles. Arousal also matters: attempting anal insertion without adequate arousal produces significantly more discomfort.

**Never switch from anal to vaginal without cleaning first:** The bacteria present in the anal canal cause infections if introduced to the vaginal canal. Clean the toy completely between uses or use a fresh condom when switching.

Browse [beginner-friendly realistic dildos](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/beginner-friendly-realistic-dildos) sized for comfortable first-time anal use.

## Cleaning After Use

Clean immediately after every use not later, immediately.

**Standard clean:** Warm water and mild unscented soap. Wash the entire surface. Rinse thoroughly until no soap residue remains. Pat dry. Allow to air dry completely before storing.

**Full sterilization (non-motorized platinum silicone):** Boil for 3 to 5 minutes, or run through dishwasher top rack without detergent. Recommended after anal use, after shared use with different partners, or periodically.

**Storage:** Store in a clean, separate [storage pouch](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/storage-bags). Keep away from other toys and direct sunlight. Ensure completely dry before storing.

## Choosing the Right Dildo If You Do Not Have One Yet

If you are reading this guide before buying your first dildo, size is the most important decision and the most common mistake is choosing too large.

Experience

Insertable Length

Diameter

Browse

Complete beginner

4–5 in

1.0–1.3 in

[Best for Beginners](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/beginner-friendly-realistic-dildos)

First-time beginner

5–6 in

1.3–1.5 in

[Best for Beginners](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/beginner-friendly-realistic-dildos)

Some experience

6–7 in

1.5–1.8 in

[Most Popular Size](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/most-popular-size-realistic-dildos)

Experienced

6–8 in

1.6–2.0 in

[Standard](https://www.realcocktoys.com/collections/realcock-standard)

Not sure? Take the [dildo finder quiz](https://www.realcocktoys.com/pages/find-your-realcock-dildos/#quiz) for a personalized recommendation.

## Frequently Asked Questions

### How do I use a dildo for the first time?

Spend adequate time on arousal first. Apply generous water-based lubricant. Insert just the tip and pause before going deeper. Breathe slowly exhales relax the muscles needed for comfortable insertion. Start with slow, shallow movements and find what feels good before increasing depth or speed.

### Does using a dildo require lubricant even if I'm naturally aroused?

Yes, always. Natural lubrication alone is rarely sufficient for comfortable extended dildo use. Water-based lubricant significantly reduces friction, improves comfort, and protects the toy's surface. Apply more than feels necessary.

### What is the best position to use a dildo?

On your back with knees bent is the easiest starting position for most people gives full control and easy access. Cowgirl position over a mounted dildo is excellent for G-spot stimulation and hands-free use. Experiment from there.

### Can I use a dildo for both vaginal and anal play?

Yes, but clean thoroughly between uses or use a fresh condom when switching. Never switch from anal to vaginal use without complete cleaning first. The bacteria present in the anal canal cause infections if introduced vaginally.

### How do I find my G-spot with a dildo?

Angle the dildo toward the front wall of the vaginal canal (the side facing your stomach) at approximately 2 to 3 inches depth. Use a "come here" beckoning motion rather than in-and-out thrusting. A curved dildo reaches this angle naturally.

### How do I clean my dildo after use?

Wash immediately with warm water and mild unscented soap. Rinse thoroughly. Dry completely before storing in a clean, separate pouch. For full sterilization, boil non-motorized platinum silicone toys for 3 to 5 minutes.

## Final Thoughts

Using a dildo well comes down to a few things: adequate arousal before insertion, generous lubricant, starting small and building gradually, and paying attention to what your body actually responds to rather than what seems like it should feel good.

The rest is experimentation which is the most enjoyable part.

Browse [RealCock Toys](https://www.realcocktoys.com/) realistic dildos all platinum-cured silicone, designed for comfortable solo and partnered use. Take the [dildo finder quiz](https://www.realcocktoys.com/pages/find-your-realcock-dildos/#quiz) to find the right size for your experience level.

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> Source: [RealCock Toys](www.realcocktoys.com/blogs/realcocktoys-blog/asking-sex-questions-guide-to-intimacy-and-confidence)